While counseling families, or in my support groups, I hear it time and again: “Why does my loved one with dementia sleep so much?” If we understand the nature of brain change caused by dementia, the need for more rest is predictable and logical. Continue reading “Fatigue a predictable response to dementia!“
Sometimes we just need magic!
One of the problems with dementia care is that we go into it with a negative attitude. This is understandable. It is terrible disease through which those afflicted slowly lose almost everything they have; physically, mentally, and emotionally. This puts us into a mindset dominated by a focus on loss. We focus on what they CAN’T do, and we even design care and care facilities around what they CAN’T do . . . or soon won’t be able to do. Continue reading “Sometimes we just need magic!“
Care requires Trust before Task
Undoubtedly, the most difficult kind of senior care is when our loved one is living with dementia. Changes in the brain that destroy their physical and cognitive abilities, but leave their emotions intact, create unique and difficult challenges that cannot be overcome with conversation, logic, or explanation, which we commonly use when caring for seniors not living with dementia. Continue reading “Care requires Trust before Task”
Understanding the Care Partner Relationship
Often, when I begin a consulting or training relationship with a care partner for an individual living with dementia – whether that care partner is a family member or a paid professional – I confront an essential misunderstanding in what it is we hope to accomplish. This happens when people call upon my services with the belief that I am going to teach them some tricks that will make their loved one living with dementia behave as they want them to. Continue reading “Understanding the Care Partner Relationship”
The Care Partner as Student
Recently, my partner Ed and I traveled to North Carolina to visit Soltys Place, a dementia day care center run by Teepa Snow, the founder of the Positive Approach to Care, which provides the core training for the philosophy and techniques of my company, Coping with Dementia LLC. We asked if it was permissible to take photographs, and Teepa replied, “Sure, all of our dementia teachers and their families have signed a photo consent agreement.” Continue reading “The Care Partner as Student”
Dementia and Firearm Safety?
The National Institute of Aging reports that more than 17 million seniors in America over the age of 65 own a firearm, and states in a recent report, “memory, thinking, and judgment as well as physical and behavioral competence issues related to an elderly person’s safe operation of a motor vehicle apply to firearms, too. Gun availability can pose a particular risk to those with dementia.” Continue reading “Dementia and Firearm Safety?”
The Business Case for Dementia Friendly Communities
I conduct training for Dementia Friendly businesses, churches, and communities for humanitarian reasons. Our company’s slogan is “We all deserve the best,” which I believe especially applies to families, care partners, and their loved ones living with dementia. Finding ways to help those in our community with dementia remain active, social, and engaged, with their dignity intact, is simply the right thing to do. Continue reading “The Business Case for Dementia Friendly Communities”
Seek ways to keep your loved one engaged!
Often, during counseling or while facilitating my care partner support groups, I hear the lament, “My husband (wife) can’t do anything! Not a thing!” Since most of these care partners are talking about a loved one who is still verbal and ambulatory, I know their complaint is simply not true. Yes, this is how they may see their situation, but I have learned that what they are really saying is “My loved one can’t do the things I want them to do,” or, “They can’t do the things they used to do.” Continue reading “Seek ways to keep your loved one engaged!”
Citrus Libraries provide dementia support for the community
Last month, Eric Head, who manages our Citrus County Libraries, was named Leader of the Year by the Florida Libraries Association. This is a distinction that I believe Mr. Head and his team richly deserved, based solely on what they have provided for our estimated 13,000 families living with dementia. Continue reading “Citrus Libraries provide dementia support for the community”
Building a relationship with a professional care community
Although most Americans choose to care for their loved ones at home, many do not or cannot, but choose to entrust the task to an Assisted Living Facility (ALF), a Memory Care Community, or a Skilled Nursing Environment. While these differ in cost and services, for the sake of our discussion we will use the term ALF.
There is a lot at stake when you choose placement for a loved one. The cost is significant, and you have essentially placed your loved one in the hands of strangers. The purpose of this column is to highlight some ways to build a relationship of respect and mutual trust with the ALF you have chosen.
• Read the contract and take it seriously – You will be presented a contract that may be as long as 60 pages. Read it and ask questions about anything you do not understand. Take it to an attorney if you feel you do not understand it. This will lay the foundation for a relationship of mutual respect since ALF management will see that you do not take your decision lightly.
• Your initial dialogue with when you are making a decision about placement will be with a Marketing representative. This is the time you should ask any questions you have about the contract, and it is also the time when you should make your expectations known about what your person needs and how you expect him/her to be cared for. This will lay the ground work for your relationship with the ALF’s top management.
• Once you have selected your loved one’s new home, establish a relationship with is top management. Insist on meeting the Executive Director, and let him/her know that you intend to build a productive and team-based relationship.
• Don’t be demanding or pushy. Be friendly, polite, and business-like. Again, you are laying the groundwork for a successful experience for your loved one.
• Prior to your initial meeting with the E.D., be sure you understand the Patient’s Bill of Rights and Responsibilities? It should be in your contract, and law requires the ALF to post it in public view.
• Create a history of your loved one. This can be a ring-binder containing information about their career, their family, their religion, their favorite things, etc. It should include photographs and relevant news clippings. Present this binder to the E.D. on the occasion of your first meeting and let him/her know that the individuals in charge of your loved one’s care are expected to know what it contains. Again, be friendly, humble, and businesslike. Don’t be demanding or pushy. Your goal is to build mutual respect within your team.
• Ask the E.D. how often the ALF routinely reviews and updates a patient’s Care Plan, or what kind of events or problems might trigger a review of the Care Plan. Emphasize again that you want your loved one to be considered a unique person with a unique history and unique needs, not just “Mr. Room 305.” Let it be known – again, in a businesslike manner – that you expect to be involved in meetings where the Care Plan is reviewed and updated. Keep emphasizing that your loved one’s care will be a partnership between you and the ALF’s management.
• Do not interfere with the subordinate care staff. During your visits, be friendly, polite, and reinforce or praise their efforts when appropriate. But if you see something that concerns you, do not confront the care staff involved. Take your concerns to the E.D. who may encourage you to dialogue with the Director of Nursing. But do not involve yourself in the chain-of-command below the management level.
What if your best efforts do not get positive results? You have the option to file a complaint with the Florida Agency for Health Care Administration, or you can ask to describe your concerns to an ombudsman who serves under the Florida Department of Elder Affairs.
But, let us emphasize again that Job One is to build a productive and mutually respectful relationship with your chosen ALF. If you resort to AHCA or Elder Affairs, that relationship is probably already broken, or at least it will be! This is the course of last resort and should never be considered until you stand convinced that your best negotiating and interpersonal skills have failed.
As you work to establish a productive relationship with your chosen ALF, keep my favorite slogan in mind: “We all deserve the best!”
Until next time remember: “We all deserve the Best”
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